El Scorcho Burns Down an Orphanage (Tales of El Scorcho Book 1)

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El Scorcho Burns Down an Orphanage (Tales of El Scorcho Book 1)

Get ready to serve Evil an Atomic Wedgie with the greatest adventurer in the history of history.

Meet El Scorcho the Barbarian—fists like frozen ham hocks of vengeance, a wit as dry as Saltine crackers and nerves forged from Damascus steel (his math skills are only average). For years his miniature stalked the squares of a home-brewed rpg, but the tabletop can contain him no longer. Now, the barbarian stars in his first full-length adventure, ‘El Scorcho Burns Down an Orphanage’, with a story directly taken from actual gaming sessions, die rolls and all.

Join El Scorcho as he pummels and puns his way through legions of foes to rescue an innocent girl from the machinations of a delusional asshole, all while showering the air with pulverized dental work. And El Scorcho does burn down an orphanage. On purpose.

Readers seeking cerebral mysteries, intrigue and the intricate tapestries of a fantasy world should find another book. If you delight at the wet snap of a goblin’s broken neck or watching oily blood spurt from a vampire’s torso, then El Scorcho’s your barbarian.

…His partner-in-crime Jonas is in the book too.

What Do Other Authors* Have to Say About El Scorcho?

“If the white whale torments as the automata of life’s evils, then El Scorcho stands as metaphor for the fish. But with punching”— Herman Melville

“Good” — Ernest Hemingway

[Censored] —James Elroy

“…Any legal remedies available to me against you if these activities continue. These remedies include, but are not limited to, contacting law enforcement…” — Stephen King

“I wish I had written this instead of The Silmarillion. Sad face, sad face, dot dot dot” — J.R.R. Tolkien

*To prevent a lawsuit, the above quotes are parody